


It should have been him

by Kebbi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Kuroo Tetsurou is very patient and sweet, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Past Tsukkiyama, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Yamaguchi Tadashi is dead, background bokuaka - Freeform, hq minibang 2020, sorry about that yams, throwing up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:13:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24822166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kebbi/pseuds/Kebbi
Summary: Yamaguchi had died in August. He’d died before either of them had turned 18, before either of them had received their soulmarks.But Tsukishima didn’t need that kind of affirmation. He knew it. He felt it. Yamaguchi had been and would forever be his soulmate.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou & Tsukishima Kei, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 29
Kudos: 231
Collections: HQ Mini Bang





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my work for the Haikyuu Mini Bang 2020 :) I've been working for this for a pretty long time and I'm super excited to finally post it today!  
> I had the pleasure of having Ryuu as my partner and they created amazing art for my story! I'm super glad I got to be partnered with them! So please check them out on ig (@talesofryuuchan) and tumblr (@talesofryuuchanart)!!
> 
> A giant thank you to my best friend who helped me a lot with the story flow &also to @normalcryptid who was willing to beta this fic!
> 
> I hope y'all enjoy this story :)

“It’s going to be you,” Tsukishima said.

He was sure, he was so sure. No one in the world was more precious to him than Yamaguchi. There was no way fate would choose someone else.

But the other shook his head, a soft smile on his lips. Even like this, even with his skin an almost greyish color, bags under his eyes, and wrists that looked too thin, he was still beautiful. There was something about Yamaguchi that made Tsukishima feel warm, whenever their eyes met.

“I hope it isn’t,” he said with a hoarse voice.

Tsukishima frowned at that but before he could say anything Yamaguchi continued:

“A soulmate is meant to be with you, to be there for you. We both know I won’t be able to do that. I hope fate is kinder than to give you a soulmate like me.”

~

Yamaguchi had died in August. He’d died before either of them had turned 18, before either of them had received their marks.

But Tsukishima didn’t need that kind of affirmation. He knew it. He felt it. Yamaguchi had been and would forever be his soulmate.

The day Tsukishima turned 18, he expected his wrist to stay blank. Or maybe, it was just what he wished for. There was no way he could open his heart to anyone else like that again.

He didn’t stay awake to witness it at midnight. No, Tsukishima went to bed, forced himself to sleep, and prayed that fate would spare him.

But it didn’t. When he woke up, there was a name written on the wrist of his dominant hand.

It felt foreign.

Well, it _was_ foreign. He had never heard the name before. And it didn’t belong there.

_Kuroo Tetsurou._

Maybe Yamaguchi would think fate was kind for giving him a name that wasn’t his, that belonged to someone who was still alive.

But to Tsukishima it just felt cruel.

~

By the time Tsukishima had graduated and moved to Tokyo for college, he still hadn’t met Kuroo. Not that he had tried. He hadn’t googled him nor had he asked his few friends and acquaintances if they happened to know that name.

He didn’t want him.

In his heart Tsukishima knew that he was being unfair. But was it his fault that Kuroo got matched with him? Was it his fault that fate made a mistake like that? No.

Fate assigned him a name he never asked for, and if Tsukishima decided to ignore the stain that was forced onto his skin, it wasn’t anyone’s business but his own.

~

On the day Tsukishima turned 20, he had his long-awaited appointment with a tattoo artist. Fate had decided that Yamaguchi wasn’t his soulmate, but Tsukishima wouldn’t accept that so easily. And now, after waiting impatiently for two years, he was finally able to fix fate’s blunder.

It stung, when the tattoo artist immortalized his best friends name on his left wrist in the same neat font that soulmarks were written in.

_Yamaguchi Tadashi._

It felt right to have his name there, like a lifeline. He traced the letters whenever he felt lost. It made Tsukishima remember him, his soft smile, his freckles, his kind words. It was calming.

Tsukishima knew that it wasn’t a real soulmark. There was no one there at the other end of the line who’d receive feelings of warmth when he traced it. He knew that and yet, sometimes, he forgot.

His right wrist was kept hidden at all times, under long sleeves or bandages. He didn’t touch it nor did he read the letters. Most of all, he ignored the warm, tingling feeling he sometimes got. The mark was kept out of sight day after day, because it was so much easier to pretend that it didn’t exist, than it was to face reality.

It was so much easier to pretend Kuroo Tetsurou didn’t exist, than to accept that there was someone other than Yamaguchi he was connected to. Someone who was very much alive and maybe even hopeful to meet him.

~

The problem with fate was that you couldn’t run from it forever.

Tsukishima liked to think that he was a special case, that for one reason or another fate wasn’t something that applied to him, wasn’t something that had power over him. It was oh so simple to believe in that. After moving to Tokyo, people didn’t know him or Yamaguchi. They just assumed they were soulmates because why else would there be a name written on his wrist? As far as Tsukishima was concerned, they were right. No one paid enough attention to realize that the name wasn’t on the wrist of his dominant hand. And in the worst-case scenario of someone noticing, he could just say he was ambidextrous.

People asking him about his soulmate (or talking to him at all for that matter) wasn’t something that occurred often anyway. Tsukishima tended to keep to himself, his friends countable on one hand.

Sadly, Tsukishima had to learn soon that he wasn’t a special case. Fate existed for him too, whether he liked it or not.

Even though he hadn’t read the name on his right wrist in years – not consciously anyway – and even though he hadn’t said it out loud once in his life, he immediately recognized it.

He was waiting in front of his college professor’s office for his appointment, when he heard it for the first time. There was a weird sense of familiarity about the way it sounded, and Tsukishima did not appreciate it.

“Kuroo Tetsurou?” The professor peaked her head out of the door to her office. “You can come in now.”

Tsukishima didn’t want to look up. He didn’t want to turn his head towards the guy that stood up from his chair, didn’t want to know who he was.

And yet, he looked up and followed the guy with his eyes. His dark, messy hair and the way he carried himself made him look cool, confident. Like the type that had a bunch of friends, never missed a party and was effortlessly at the center of attention.

Kuroo was everything Tsukishima wasn’t and everything Tsukishima always wanted to avoid. He didn’t want to get to know him.

His heart was pounding in his chest like crazy, but he refused to acknowledge it.

“Yes, coming,” the guy mumbled, and Tsukishima wished his voice didn’t sound so nice.

It was easy to ignore the existence of a person you only knew the name of. But seeing their face, hearing their voice made it a lot harder. It felt unbearable.

As soon as Kuroo disappeared in the professor’s office, he got up and left. Tsukishima couldn’t let Kuroo find out who he was, he wasn’t willing to take that risk.

It didn’t matter that he had an important appointment, all that mattered was getting out of there as quickly as possible. Tsukishima made a mental note to send his professor an email later, as he hurried down the hallway, out of the building and all the way back to his tiny apartment. When he arrived, his lungs felt like they were on fire, a painful reminder of how rarely he did any sports. Or left the house at all for that matter.

He hadn’t always been this unfit. Back in middle school Yamaguchi and he had played volleyball together. Although it hadn’t been particularly fun, he’d continued in high school. He’d kept at it for him. The freckled boy hadn’t been able to play himself anymore, but he’d loved to come to the matches and cheer for him, and Tsukishima had loved to see his happy face.

After Yamaguchi’s death, he’d quit. He hadn’t even touched a volleyball again after that, too many memories, too much pain.

Maybe Tsukishima was a coward in that way.

~

Much sooner than anticipated, Tsukishima ran into his alleged soulmate again. It turned out that Kuroo Tetsurou was close friends with his project partner and maybe-friend Akaashi. Since his partner was a calm and collected person, as well as studious and smart, Tsukishima got along well with him. So, when he’d asked if Tsukishima would be okay with a friend of his joining their study meet up for a while, he’d expected… well, not Kuroo Tetsurou.

It was a shock, because even though Tsukishima knew that fate had a way of bringing soulmates together, he’d thought he would have more time. Time to figure out what to do about his very real and existing soulmate. Time to figure out how to evade him.

But no, fate was not having it. Fate wanted them to meet, wanted Kuroo to know his name. So Akaashi and Tsukishima sat at their usual spot at the library, accompanied by Mr. Soulmate. To the blonde’s displeasure, he still found Kuroo to be attractive with his ruffled hair, the pierced ears and the black shirt with rolled up sleeves.

Almost automatically, Tsukishima’s eyes wandered down Kuroo’s toned arms, until they caught onto the tattoo on his right wrist. He felt like choking. Of course, it was going to be there. Of course, it would say _Tsukishima Kei_.

Seeing it engraved on the other’s skin managed to turn his stomach.

While Akaashi and Tsukishima made a plan for the further progress of their project, Kuroo just sat next to them, fiddling with his phone, sipping his coffee and glancing at them from time to time.

Kuroo tried to be low-key about it, but it was obvious that he kept trying to catch glimpses of Tsukishima’s wrists. The blonde decided to roll up his left sleeve as nonchalantly as possible. The weird expression that crossed Kuroo’s face didn’t escape him. He looked surprised, maybe even a little disappointed.

“You’re not left-handed”, Kuroo pointed out eventually, observing the way Tsukishima took notes.

“I’m ambidextrous,” he replied, knowing exactly what Kuroo was getting at.

“I told you,” Akaashi said unemotionally, without looking up from his laptop.

“Yeah, yeah you did.” Kuroo sighed. “I just- never mind.”

Tsukishima watched Kuroo’s face closely, trying to make out if the black-haired guy sensed something or not.

“Did you meet them yet?” Kuroo tipped against his own wrist.

“I haven’t.”

“Me neither, I haven’t met my soulmate yet.” Kuroo softly traced the name on his wrist, and Tsukishima hated the odd feeling it caused on his own skin.

“Not to interrupt, but can we get back to our project please?”

“Of course, Akaashi. Sorry.”

They kept working for a bit, but Kuroo didn’t stay for long with them after that, since he had to attend practice. Tsukishima assumed he was part of one of their college’s sports teams, but he didn’t care enough to ask.

“Sorry, did the soulmate talk make you uncomfortable?”

Tsukishima felt himself tense up. He forced an awkward laugh.

“No, no, it’s fine, don’t worry.”

His project partner smiled in relief. “You always seem a little stiff when the topic comes up so …I actually told him, though, that you have a different name on your wrist but he- when he heard that my friend’s name was Tsukishima too, he really wanted to see for himself.”

“Too?” Tsukishima asked, just to keep up the pretense.

“Oh, yeah, you probably didn’t pay attention to it.” He did though. “But his soulmate’s name is actually Tsukishima Hotaru.”

_Hotaru._ For once in his life, Tsukishima was thankful for the way his first name was often read incorrectly. He would be able to hide a little longer, maybe forever.

“It’s not the most common name and Kuroo got so hopeful. He’s been waiting to meet them for so long. I know he doesn’t seem the type, but he’s actually a huge romantic.” Akaashi chuckled. Tsukishima felt like shit.

~

Tsukishima assumed that Kuroo would keep his distance, now that he knew Tsukishima wasn’t the one, he was looking for.

Unexpectedly though, he got to see Kuroo more often after that. The project Akaashi and him worked on was pretty time consuming, and more often than not, Kuroo and his best friend Bokuto would join them when they sat in the library.

Bo was Akaashi’s soulmate. He was the reason Akaashi and Kuroo had met in the first place and thus also the cause for the meeting between Tsukishima and him. Tsukishima wanted to feel bitter about it, but he couldn’t hold a grudge against Bokuto. The buff guy was basically radiating sunlight and even though him and Kuroo were an exhausting combination, he couldn’t find it in himself to dislike either of them.

If he was being honest with himself, he sort of liked them. They were loud and the reason all of them were thrown out of the library more than once, and yet it was fun to be with them and listen to their endless antics. Bokuto often brought coffee for everyone when he dropped by after his shift at the coffee shop across the street. Sometimes he even got them some leftover pastries, and if there was one way to win over a Tsukishima Kei, it was cake.

Tsukishima couldn’t grasp why the two kept barging in on Akaashi’s and his study meetings. It wasn’t a particularly interesting topic for outsiders and the library didn’t seem like a fitting place for the extroverted duo. Surely, they would rather spend all their free time on the field or in the gym practicing for whatever sport they did.

He also couldn’t grasp why he started looking for them, when Akaashi came by himself.

“They won’t come today”, Akaashi said with a chuckle when he caught Tsukishima’s searching gaze. “They have some extra practice for their upcoming game.”

“I didn’t ask.”

The black-haired boy raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t have to.”

~

Kuroo wore his soulmark openly for everyone to see. He seemed almost proud of it, never hiding it under his sleeves or his watch. Tsukishima tried not to look for it every time they met.

It was difficult not to notice how often Kuroo traced it absentmindedly with a soft expression on his face. It made Tsukishima ache every time. He would feel the warm tingling feeling in his wrist, hidden away under bandages, and he ached. If only he could erase this stupid mark or take it and give it to someone else.

Kuroo was nice; he was sweet. And he loved his soulmate without even knowing them. Kuroo didn’t deserve to be ignored and denied. He deserved a soulmate that loved and wanted him just as much.

But Tsukishima couldn’t be that soulmate for him.

~

One of those days, just when Tsukishima started heading for the library, his phone buzzed with a message from Akaashi.

> **Akaashi Keiji:** Hey Tsukishima, I’m sorry for the short notice, but I can’t make it today. I’ve caught a cold.
> 
> **Tsukishima Kei:** Don’t worry about it, Akaashi. I’ll just work by myself for a bit. Get well soon!
> 
> **Akaashi Keiji:** I told Kuroo that he can come anyway, I hope you don’t mind?

Of course, he minded. But he couldn’t admit that to Akaashi without being suspicious, so instead he replied with a short “It’s fine” and made his way over to their usual table, his heart in his throat. He had gotten used to Kuroo being around, but he had never been alone with him. He prayed that Akaashi simply forgot to mention it and that Bokuto would be there too.

But his prayers weren’t heard. Just as he sat down at their usual table, he spotted an all too familiar bedhead heading in his direction.

“Kuroo.”

“Tsukki!” His smile was dazzling. “Are you by yourself today? Where’s ‘Kaashi?”

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow. “It’s Tsukishima. And stop pretending. I talked to him; you know he isn’t coming today.”

“I can’t believe he snitched!” He gasped dramatically. “What a traitor. How am I supposed to appear casual now?”

Instead of replying Tsukishima just gave a shrug.

“Why are you here anyway when both Akaashi and Bokuto aren’t?”

Kuroo looked at him in confusion, before bursting into laughter. “Because I like spending time with you? What other reason could there be?”

“Seems you’ve got some terrible taste then, Kuroo,” he countered with a smirk.

“Seems you’ve got some terribly low self-esteem then, Tsukki. But let’s not dwell on that.” A playful grin flashed across his face. “What do you say we sit down at the café across the street instead? It’s a little cozier than-” He gestured vaguely to their surroundings.

Tsukishima didn’t really get the chance to reply, because Kuroo was already standing up, waiting for him to follow.

Kuroo was right, the café _was_ cozier. Sunlight streamed in through the big windows and the smell of coffee and pastries filled the air. They left their coats at a wooden hat rack before walking further inside and sitting down at a small round table in a corner of the café. Apart from them and a small group of girls that sat at the other end of the café, it was completely empty.

“I’ll get us some coffee,” Kuroo offered, nodding towards the counter. Once again, he was gone before Tsukishima could complain and soon returned with their drinks.

“What do I owe you?”

“Nah, don’t worry,” Kuroo said with a big smile and sat down one of the cups in front of Tsukishima.

The blonde nodded in appreciation, forcing himself not to stare at the other’s wrist as it came closer and pulled back again.

“I got us cake too, I’ll be back in a second.” He rushed back to the counter and retrieved two plates, chocolate and strawberry shortcake respectively. Kuroo pushed the strawberry cake towards Tsukishima before sitting down.

Caught off guard, Tsukishima stared at his plate, wondering if this was just some very weird coincidence or not.

His companion seemed to notice his state of shock and grinned widely.

“It’s your favorite isn’t it?”

Tsukishima couldn’t contain his surprise at that. “How do you know?”

A proud smile spread on Kuroo’s face. “You just seemed to enjoy this more compared to the other stuff Bokuto brought before.”

Apparently, Kuroo had paid enough attention to notice such small details about him. Heat started to creep up Tsukishima’s neck and he hoped it didn’t show. He nudged his glasses into place and cleared his throat, forcing on his usual dry expression.

When he reached for the porcelain bowl in the middle of their table and dropped not one but three rocks of sugar into his coffee, Kuroo watched him with mild concern.

“You’re gonna get diabetes, Tsukki.”

“Says the one with the butter cream chocolate cake.”

“Touché.”

They bickered and enjoyed their treats and unsurprisingly, Tsukishima didn’t get anything done for the project. Not that he really minded. Though he didn’t like to admit it, hanging out with Kuroo was fun, and he got free cake, too.

“Can I ask something?” Kuroo asked, before shoving another fork full of cake into his mouth.

“Sure.”

“What happened to your wrist?”

Tsukishima felt his chest tighten. But he was prepared for that question. Even if you’re not interested in their soulmark, when you hang out with someone and they always wear bandages around their wrist you’d eventually ask about it.

“Typewriter’s cramp,” he replied, as nonchalantly as possible. “It just keeps coming back.”

“Wouldn’t it be better to use your other hand then? Since you’re ambidextrous and all?”

His heart felt like it was about to stop.

“Yeah.” He choked out a laugh. “But it’s just become a habit to do everything with my right hand, it almost feels like I’m not ambidextrous at all.”

“I see.” The black-haired boy pushed back some strands of black hair, but they immediately fell back into his face. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrogate.”

“No, it’s fine.”

Thankfully, it didn’t take long for the uncomfortable atmosphere to disappear. While Tsukishima was more than just a little socially awkward, Kuroo seemed to be an expert at handling any type of social situation. He smoothly switched topics again, talking about this and that, a game that’s coming out soon, a band he enjoys, his favorite movie.

“What do you mean you’ve never watched Deadpool?” he gasped, exaggerated shock in his voice.

Tsukishima shrugged. “Wasn’t really interested.”

“Tsukki.” His tone went all serious. “That is inacceptable.”

“Is that so?”

“Absolutely. No worries though, we can fix this, it’s not too late, it’s still on Netflix.”

“I don’t have Netflix.”

Kuroo’s eyes looked at him in disbelief. “What do you even do with your time, Tsukki? Read books?”

The blonde shrugged as he took the last sip of his sweet, sweet coffee that had long turned cold.

“You’re such a nerd. But,” the bedhead smiled, all high and mighty, “I have your back. You can come over this weekend. Friday at eight?”

Tsukishima choked on his coffee. He coughed hard, trying not to spit it all over the table.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” He grinned, fumbling in his pockets and handing Tsukishima a handkerchief, before getting up.

“And now,” he made a show of looking at his wristwatch, “I kinda have to go, practice is gonna start soon. See you on Friday! I’ll text you the address.”

He was gone before Tsukishima could have reminded him that they did not in fact exchange numbers. He should have known though that a problem as small as that was nothing to stop a Kuroo Tetsurou. As the evening rolled around, he received a text.

> **Unknown Number:** asked kaashi for ur number u don’t mind do u? (๑ゝڡ◕๑)

And then another with an address that Tsukishima assumed was Kuroo’s.

credits for this masterpiece to Ryuu (@talesofryuuchan on ig, @talesofryuuchanart on tumblr). Thanks again for drawing this ♥

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://talesofryuuchanart.tumblr.com/


	2. Chapter 2

When Tsukishima arrived at Kuroo’s door on Friday, he was almost certain that this was a big mistake. Sweat was running down his neck and he wasn’t sure if it was the summer heat that persistently stuck around even at this time of day, or if it was his nerves.

He shouldn’t have come. He should have tried harder to keep his distance. With the way they seemed to be spending more and more time together, it was inevitable that Kuroo would find out who he was.

If Tsukki was honest he wasn’t quite sure what the most frightening part of that was. Maybe the possibility that Kuroo could confront him with expectations of romance and relationship. Maybe Kuroo being angry at him for lying and then cutting Tsukishima off.

Or maybe, the part that scared him the most was that Kuroo could be disappointed to get a shitty soulmate like him.

Still in his thoughts, he almost didn’t realize that the flat door was being unlocked before it swung open. Kuroo looked at him questioningly.

“What are you pacing in front of the apartment for, Tsukki? Come in!”

Tsukishima didn’t get the chance to refuse because warm hands already grabbed for his wrists and pulled him inside.

“You can take the slippers there”, he pointed at a plain red pair as he closed the door behind them.

The blonde did as he was told and followed Kuroo into the flat. It was small but nice. A sweet smell came from an opened door that Tsukishima assumed led to the kitchen, but Kuroo made his way into the room across, his bedroom apparently.

“I don’t have a living room, so I hope you don’t mind sitting on the bed?”, he asked with an apologetic smile.

A tray with cinnamon rolls and chips was set onto the mattress, a bottle of coke and two glasses placed on the nightstand. On the TV screen across from the bed Netflix was already opened, the different profiles of the shared account displayed. Tsukishima almost had to laugh at the names on screen because it was so them. HOOTHOOT, meowth :3, Keiji.

He rolled his eyes and sat down on one side of the bed, toeing off the slippers and crossing his legs. Kuroo sat down next to him, the tray with snacks between them.

“I hope you like cinnamon rolls? I would have made strawberry cake, but I didn’t have a lot of time and thought it’s better to make something I know will turn out well. And my cinnamon rolls are the best you will ever get to eat in this life” He winked before grabbing the controller and choosing his account.

“Confident, are we?”, the blonde countered, trying to keep his anxiety at bay with his usual snarl.

“You don’t believe me?!” Kuroo faked hurt. “Big mistake, Tsukki, big mistake.” A mischievous glint appeared in his brown eyes and it wasn’t really calming Tsukishima’s nerves, so he instinctively grabbed one of the pastries and shoved it into his mouth with a provocative “We’ll see.”

The cinnamon rolls weren’t exactly big but eating it in one piece wasn’t a smart choice and Tsukishima ended up coughing terribly, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. Kuroo couldn’t suppress his laughter, or maybe he hadn’t even tried, as he patted his back soothingly.

“Please don’t choke, Tsukki, you can’t die before you’ve seen Deadpool.”

“Maybe it’s a sign”, he pressed out when he finally managed to swallow. “And honestly, they aren’t even that good.”

It was obviously a lie and if the smirk on his face was anything to go by, Kuroo knew. The damn pastries weren’t just good, they were fantastic. That deadly thing was probably one of the best things he’d ever had the pleasure to taste and if it had decided to kill him – well, there were surely worse ways to go.

About halfway through the movie, which Tsukishima had to admit was pretty good, he felt his wrist tickle. He glanced over to Kuroo, who seemed absolutely immersed in the movie while absentmindedly tracing the letters on his wrist.

Tsukishima swallowed. He didn’t want to address it; he knew he shouldn’t. But before he could stop himself, the words were already out there.

“You do that a lot, don’t you?”

The other looked briefly confused before following Tsukishima’s gaze and realizing what he was talking about.

“I guess I do,” he replied with a sheepish smile on his lips, brushing back his hair with the hand that had been tracing the soulmark. “It’s kinda calming.”

For a second, he seemed to be contemplating about whether he should say more or not, and Tsukishima waited, not daring to look at his face and instead focusing his eyes on the dinosaur socks Akiteru had given him for his last birthday.

“This will probably sound odd,” Kuroo continued. “but sometimes I get this feeling, like maybe they aren’t feeling well and it makes me wanna tell them that I’m there, that I’ll support them, which is dumb because we haven’t even met and I can’t be physically there for them but- God, this must sound stupid, but to me this mark sometimes feels like a lifeline and if they need it I want to be their lifeline too.” He chuckled awkwardly, and when Tsukishima looked up, he could see the slightest hint of a blush on Kuroo’s face.

“It really sounds idiotic, doesn’t it?”

Tsukishima looked at his inked wrist, Yamaguchi’s name still there in neat letters.

“No,” he said, gently touching his tattoo. “It doesn’t.”

After all, he often felt the same, even though his mark wasn’t real.

“And you know,” Kuroo said with a playful tone that made Tsukishima raise his head and meet his gaze. “if I keep reaching out, maybe someday I’m lucky enough to get a reply.”

His voice didn’t match the sadness Tsukishima could see in his amber eyes, and once again a feeling of guilt washed over him, like so often when he was with Kuroo.

Because Tsukishima knew how many times Kuroo had reached out to him, and he had ignored it every single time. Yet, he was still doing it, after being rejected again and again. Tsukishima couldn’t begin to imagine what that must feel like.

~

Tsukishima pulled off his sweater and dropped it onto the bathroom floor before slowly unwrapping the bandages. His skin felt sticky and sweaty underneath it, it had been a hot day after all.

He gazed at the name for a bit. He didn’t remember the last time he looked at it like this; if he was being honest, he couldn’t remember if he ever did at all. Kuroo’s words from tonight echoed in his head.

_Maybe someday I’m lucky enough to get a reply._

He had looked sad and vulnerable, but despite everything there had been something else. Hope.

He stared at his wrist for what felt like an eternity before he raised his left hand and slowly brought it up to the dark letters. His index finger grazed the marked skin, fleetingly, immediately pulling back, like he expected to get burned. He didn’t though. It felt like skin, plain, regular skin. He brought his finger close again and started to carefully trace the letters.

_Kuroo Tetsurou._

He spent so much time rejecting the letters, too afraid to even take a proper look. But touching them now, it wasn’t as scary as expected.

But then there was that feeling again, tingling underneath his skin, in the way it always did when Kuroo touched his name, yet the intensity was completely different. It was so overwhelmingly warm and fuzzy, and it made Tsukishima’s heart flutter.

He let himself be drowned in the feeling for a second, before he pulled his hand away, hastily, as though he got burned after all.

He held his arm under cold water, a futile attempt at washing the sensation away.

This wasn’t right.

~

“Are you gonna come too, Tsukki?”

Waking from his daze, he glanced up, into big, honey-colored eyes.

“Uh, sorry, come where?”

“Our game! Tetsu and me have a game on Saturday and I thought maybe you wanna come watch? You and Keiji can go together?”

Tsukishima didn’t really care for watching games and he wasn’t even sure what the two were playing. Baseball? Basketball? Maybe hockey?

But it wasn’t possible to say no to Bokuto, not when he looked so excited and hopeful. And he did like spending time with Akaashi, so it would surely be endurable.

When he reluctantly agreed, Bokuto gave him the widest smile he’d ever seen and though Tsukishima felt a little blinded, it wasn’t entirely unpleasant.

~

After the soulmark incident, Tsukishima felt a little awkward around Kuroo. He didn’t know how to behave and had to keep himself from flinching whenever Kuroo would touch his mark.

A part of him knew that if he really wanted, he could just cut off contact and forget he ever met Kuroo or his friends. His and Akaashi’s project was almost through and it wouldn’t take a lot of effort to just let it be afterwards. Tsukishima was good at shutting people out after all.

The thing was, he didn’t want to. Not this time.

It was painful to be with Kuroo, it was painful to be reminded, but not seeing him again seemed even worse.

It was the first time after he’d lost Yamaguchi that he had people he could really call his friends. And though he had always been convinced that he didn’t need anyone in his life, he didn’t want to go back to being alone. It was nice to have someone to talk to and laugh with.

Even if all of it was built on a giant lie, Tsukishima wasn’t ready to give it up. Not yet.

So, when Kuroo sent him a message asking if he was up for watching the sequel, Tsukishima agreed and soon enough found himself at Kuroo’s doorstep again.

He was greeted with a lazy grin and the promise of coffee and cupcakes. The blonde wasn’t sure if Kuroo just really liked baking or if he was trying to spoil him or maybe a mixture of both. But the cupcakes had strawberries on top and he didn’t want to ruin them with his dumb thoughts, so he decided not to think about it anymore.

They settled down on Kuroo’s bed again, the tray with the cupcakes and two cups of coffee placed in the middle (which Tsukishima found to be a little risky, but Kuroo was apparently fearless because he let himself fall onto the mattress which caused the coffee to wobble dangerously.) Tsukishima immediately took the cup that seemed to be his into his hands, not planning to put it down again until it’s empty out of fear to spill it all over Kuroo’s bed.

“I’m glad you agreed to come again,” the black-haired boy said casually as he set up the movie. “I almost expected you to say no.”

“And miss the chance of getting pastries?”

He took a sip of the warm coffee. There was a lot of sugar in it, just the way Tsukishima liked it. He didn’t want to be impressed by the fact that Kuroo had remembered.

The bedhead gasped dramatically.

“Are you only friends with me for the cakes?”

The blonde shrugged. “Oh no,” he replied monotonously. “Guess I’ve been found out.”

Since they’d met up earlier than last time, it was barely 8pm when the movie ended and while Tsukishima knew better, he took the offer of staying for dinner.

They made pasta, though the blonde was probably more of a hurdle than any actual help. Tsukishima hadn’t made anything that wasn’t instant food in ages and being cramped together in Kuroo’s tiny cooking area didn’t really help.

Soon enough they sat down at the small table in the corner, a plate of spaghetti and a beer in front of them. Since Tsukishima’s influence during the cooking process had been kept to a minimum, the food was amazing, even if it couldn’t compare to the strawberry cupcakes from before.

“Bo said you are coming to the practice match on Saturday,” Kuroo eventually said with a smile, rolling some spaghetti onto his fork. “Usually it’s just Keiji, and don’t get me wrong I love these two, but I’m glad you’re around now,” he continued through a mouthful of pasta. “Spending all your time with a pair of lovey-dovey soulmates can get a little exhausting.”

“Do you ever feel afraid of meeting your own?”

The smile on the Kuroo’s face faded and a confused frown took its place. He lowered his fork, the noodles he’d been rolling up sliding back onto his plate.

“Of meeting my soulmate?”, he inquired.

“I mean, what if they aren’t what you expected them to be, what if they aren’t what you wanted? Isn’t it scary?”

“No, I don’t think so. I’m not expecting them to be anything. All I want is to have them in my life and for them to let me be a part of theirs.”

He paused for a second.

“Are _you_ afraid?”

Tsukishima tried to swallow the big lump in his throat. He stared at the leftover spaghetti on his plate.

“I think he will be disappointed. He deserves better than this.” He didn’t even notice himself grabbing for his bandaged wrist, until he felt the cotton beneath his fingers.

“There’s no way that’s true. The Tsukishima I know is amazing, and _anyone_ would be lucky to have you as their soulmate.”

When the blonde dared to raise his gaze, he was met with earnest eyes meeting his own. It felt intense, too intense. _He knows_ , a voice in his head said. _He knows, he knows, he knows._

But there’s no way Kuroo would say such kind things about him if he knew, right?

“Anyone?”

Kuroo’s hand grazed the back of his own.

“Anyone.”

Tsukishima swallowed again, knowing full well that it wasn’t going to help. He felt trapped, unable to break eye contact, unable to shy away, even as Kuroo interlaced their hands.

“Anyone,” Kuroo repeated, voice barely a whisper and suddenly he was so close, too close. It didn’t go unnoticed how Kuroo’s gaze fell from his eyes to his lips and that seemed to be enough to break Tsukishima out of his daze.

The blonde pulled back in a panic, his chair almost toppling over in his rush to get up.

“I need to go,” he choked out, already on his way to the door. He didn’t turn around again, ignoring Kuroo’s voice calling behind him.

On his way back he kept tracing Yamaguchi’s name on his wrist, a fruitless attempt to calm his racing heart.

~

To say he was nervous when the game rolled around was an understatement. He felt physically sick. He hadn’t talked to Kuroo after the incident a few days ago, because he didn’t know how to. Kuroo had sent him several messages, mostly apologizing for making him uncomfortable.

The voice telling him that Kuroo knew, had gotten louder and louder these days, but he was too afraid to face that possibility.

Instead he’d muted his phone and holed himself up in his flat until Akaashi rang his doorbell on Saturday to pick him up for the game that he’d completely forgotten about.

But he didn’t want to answer any questions or talk about his feelings, so he got ready and sat down on the passenger seat of Akaashi’s car.

And who knew, maybe he would be lucky enough to not meet Kuroo if he excused himself directly after the match.

When Akaashi and him got to the stands, Tsukishima examined the gym. A net was set up in the middle of the field in an all too familiar manner.

He clearly shouldn’t have come. His hands felt sweaty and he was overcome with the desperate need to escape the gym.

“They play volleyball?” he asked with a raspy voice, though he already knew the answer.

“You didn’t know?” Akaashi chuckled.

Tsukishima still observed the gym below them, the teams slowly gathering at the sidelines. It didn’t take him long to find Kuroo and Bo, with their flamboyant hairdos. Kuroo caught him staring and lifted his hand in a greeting, an unsure smile on his lips.

Tsukishima felt sick.

“Are you okay?” he heard Akaashi ask, but he was already rushing out, his hand pressed against his lips, his heart racing like crazy.

He ran to the nearest bathroom, locked himself in a stall and threw up, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes.

All of this was wrong.

It was wrong, because the one smiling and waving at him from the court should have been Yamaguchi. The one he ate strawberry shortcake and watched movies with should have been Yamaguchi. And most of all, the one, whose name was engraved on his right wrist should have been Yamaguchi.

It should have been him.

The nauseous feeling in his stomach wouldn’t subside, but he couldn’t throw up again, so he sat on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor, trying to calm his breathing and stop the tears.

It didn’t really work though, because he couldn’t stop thinking about Yamaguchi. About his smile, his freckles, his voice. About the way his eyes would sparkle when watching Tsukishima play. About the dark circles and his cold, pale skin before he died.

Tsukishima noticed how this was the first time in a while that he thought about Yamaguchi like this. He’d been so distracted spending time with Akaashi and Bo and most of all with Kuroo that he’d barely spared him any thought. The guilt rushed through his veins. _When did Kuroo start taking up so much space in his head?_ He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d really looked at his tattoo.

He also hadn’t made plans to drive to Miyagi yet.

It was already August, almost the anniversary of his death, but his mind had been too occupied with Kuroo to remember. He retched, feeling like he had to throw up again, but nothing came out.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the bathroom door opening.

“Tsukishima?” Akaashi’s voice sounded worried. “Are you okay?”

The blonde sniffed and wiped his face with the sleeve of his sweater. He didn’t reply nor did he open the stall. He didn’t want to face anyone right now.

“Is there anything I can do?” Akaashi tried again.

But before Tsukishima could muster up the courage to reply, the door opened again, and hasty steps echoed through the room.

“What happened?!” Kuroo sounded panicky and too loud. “Is he okay?!”

Tsukishima heard movement and whispering, but he didn’t pay enough attention to hear what they were saying.

“Just go,” he choked out. “Please just go.”

He could see Akaashi’s feet stepping closer to the stall. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’m sure.”

There was whispering again, before he heard steps and the bathroom door fall shut.

He took in a shaky breath of relief, before he realized that only Akaashi had left.

Faint knocking sounded on the door of the stall. “Tsukishima? What’s wrong?” His voice was softer than before, and patient too.

“I’m fine,” he bit back.

“You’re obviously not. Is there anything I can do to help?”, he asked.

Kuroo really was being oh so perfect, even now. But of course, he couldn’t help, because he was the problem.

“No. Just go already.”

“Kei.”

Tsukishima felt his breath catch. He wasn’t aware that Kuroo knew his first name. Did he also know the spelling of it?

He felt like throwing up again, the taste of bile in his throat.

But there was no way he was going to puke with Kuroo right outside the stall.

“Just leave!” He swallowed. “Don’t you have a match to attend?!”

“It’s just a practice match, it doesn’t matter.” He paused. “Kei, can you open the door for me? Please?”

And then he felt warmth spread from his wrist, and he just knew he was doomed. It was obvious that this was Kuroo’s attempt at calming him, at being his lifeline.

But Tsukishima didn’t want a lifeline right now. He wanted to be alone.

Above all, he didn’t want Kuroo to know who he was. But it was too late for that, it seemed.

“You knew.” he choked out.

Kuroo seemed to hesitate, before he quietly confirmed Tsukishima’s fears with a simple “Yes.”

And after a short pause: “I’m sorry.”

“You knew and you didn’t tell me?!” His voice was shaking. “Was it fun to pretend and play along?”

A strangled noise came from outside the stall. “It wasn’t like that. You know that it wasn’t.”

“Do I really?”

Tsukishima felt full-fledged panic rise up in him. He needed to get the fuck out of there. He unlocked the door, shoved Kuroo aside before he had so much as a chance to react, and then he ran. Out of the gym, off the campus, further down the street until his lungs were on fire.

When he turned around, Kuroo wasn’t behind him. Relief washed over him, accompanied by something else that Tsukishima didn’t allow himself to acknowledge.

~

The next few days, Tsukishima barely left his bed. His phone was still in the pocket of the jeans he’d worn to the game, discarded on his bedroom floor. He knew he had to check it at some point, but for now he decided that the outside world was a problem future Tsukishima could deal with. He skipped college and most of the time he skipped eating too. His days consisted of sleeping and listening to music and then some more sleeping. In between he’d go to the kitchen and have some cereals straight from the box before retiring to bed again. The tingling feeling in his wrist didn’t appear once.

He allowed himself complete isolation from the world around him to wallow in self-hatred for almost a week, and if it hadn’t been for Yamaguchi’s death anniversary, it would have been longer. But he had to book a train now if he wanted it to stay affordable, and he also had to make sure someone would be able to pick him up from the station.

With a groan, he rolled out of bed, grabbed for his jeans and fished the phone out of the pocket. Unsurprisingly, the battery had died. After plugging it in, it came back to life with a chirping sound. Upon seeing the several unread messages and missed calls, he immediately wanted to shut it off again. He didn’t though. He had to get a grip.

A quick glance told him that Akaashi had tried calling him thrice, Kuroo twice. And then there were some texts from both of them, as well as one from his brother.

He opened that one first, not ready to face the consequences of what had happened yet.

> **Akiteru** : Hey Kei :) When are you coming? I’m home for a bit so I’ll pick you up

With a sigh, he took out his laptop and looked for possible connections before sending his brother a reply.

They decided on a train the day after tomorrow and after a look into his closet, Tsukishima realized that he would have to do some laundry before leaving and cleaning the flat a little wouldn’t hurt either. He didn’t particularly like doing chores, but if doing them meant he would have an excuse to not deal with Akaashi and Kuroo for now, then he was more than willing to.

After a day of procrastinating by doing chores and cleaning, he decided it was time to face the music or at least take a look at the messages. He could still decide not to answer.

> **Akaashi Keiji:** Hey, Tsukishima. Are you okay? I think I need to apologize to you. Can we talk?
> 
> **Akaashi Keiji:** When we did the cover sheet for our paper, I saw the way your first name is written, and I told Kuroo about it. I know it wasn’t my place to do that and I’m really sorry. I should have talked to you first or stayed out of it. I never meant to hurt you.
> 
> **Akaashi Keiji:** If there is anything you need, tell me. I’m worried about you. Bokuto is too.

To his own surprise, Tsukishima didn’t really feel angry. He was right, it definitely hadn’t been his place to tell Kuroo. But it’s not like Kuroo wouldn’t have found out eventually.

Still, he didn’t feel like talking to Akaashi yet, and he didn’t have the time anyway, considering he was going to leave for Sendai soon. He sent him a short “I’m fine”, before bracing himself to open Kuroo’s messages.

His thumb hovered over Kuroo’s name in the list of messages for a while, but he couldn’t bring himself to press down. Not yet. He needed a little more time, so the blonde decided to postpone it until after he went to Miyagi.

~

His last day in Tokyo was spent packing his things and buying souvenirs to bring home, as well as a little something to give to Yamaguchi’s parents.

On the day of the departure he felt some sense of tranquility, the thought of coming home calming his strained nerves. The train ride passed in the blink of any eye and soon enough he was at the station, enveloped in an overbearing hug from his older brother.

As soon as they arrived at their home, he’d received the same treatment from his mom, the smell of cake filling the house. Oddly enough, it reminded him of the sweet scent of cinnamon rolls or strawberry cupcakes filling Kuroo’s flat when he’d visited him. He pushed the memories aside.

In the evening, they all went to the Yamaguchi household to have dinner. Last year, they’d been invited to eat together the day before the anniversary too, and it seemed to become a small tradition. Their families had always been close, and it was nice to be gathered with everyone.

After eating, Tsukishima decided to go to the graveyard. They would all go together again tomorrow, but the blonde felt like he needed some alone time to sort out his thoughts. At this time, barely anyone crossed his path and Tsukishima felt relieved about it.

The grave was beautifully kept as always, flowers in soft reds and yellows set in vases in front of it. Tsukishima lit the incense sticks he brought, before putting his hands together in prayer. He took a deep breath.

“It’s been a while,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I didn’t bring the chocolate you like. Or fries.”

A small smile spread on his lips. “Maybe I’ll bring some tomorrow.”

He paused for a while, the only sound coming from the wind rustling through the trees. Though he knew what he wanted to say, it cost him quite an effort to get it out there.

“I met him,” he finally offered. “My soulmate.”

It was the first time he’d called Kuroo that and it felt strange but not entirely unpleasant.

“I didn’t want to meet him, ever. But I guess you knew that already. I just… I felt like accepting that he’s my soulmate would mean betraying you. I still kinda feel like that.” He sighed.

“I know you would never think so. You always wanted me to get along with my soulmate. You always hoped I would give them a chance. But I just- I miss you and it’s unfair that you can’t be here with me.

“It’s unfair that it isn’t you.” Tsukishima felt tears burning in his eyes and he pressed his eyelids firmly shut to prevent them from spilling out.

“But-” His voice started to tremble, and his chest was aching.

“But I like him. I really do. I thought you should be the first one to know.”

Tsukishima parted his palms and wiped at his eyes with the back of his right hand. In the end, his tears fell after all. He let himself cry now, letting his heartache and fear spill from his eyes.

~

He drove back to Tokyo two days after the anniversary. His family wanted him to stay longer, but he felt the need to go back and finally resolve the mess he’d left behind.

His mom had pushed a bunch of plastic containers with food at him, all the while complaining that he’d gotten too thin (which was surely her imagination with all the cake he’d been fed by Kuroo and Bokuto recently). He took them along without putting up a fight though, knowing all too well that he didn’t stand a chance.

Back at his flat, he settled on his couch with a plate of his mom’s curry and took out his phone. This time, he didn’t hesitate before opening Kuroo’s messages.

> **Kuroo Tetsurou:** I’m sorry. I never meant to deceive you or make fun of you. I was too scared to tell you that I knew because I was afraid of losing you. I’m sorry that my behavior hurt you.
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou:** I won’t pressure you, but I hope we can talk it out eventually. You’re important to me and I hope it won't end like this.

Tsukishima felt a little guilty reading the messages. Kuroo must have been beating himself up about it for the last week. He’d really made him wait in uncertainty for long enough and a part of him couldn’t help but wonder, if Kuroo would even still be up for meeting him and talking it out. It was nerve-wracking, but he knew he would regret not contacting him.

> **Tsukishima Kei:** Can we meet tomorrow?

~

“So, I’m not ambidextrous,” Tsukishima said, not looking at the man sitting across from him at his kitchen table.

It wasn’t a bold, movie-worthy declaration. It didn’t express everything that was on Tsukishima’s mind. But it was all he was able to give for now.

It seemed to be enough for Kuroo though.

Of course, it was enough. Kuroo was patient and kind and he had never pressed Tsukishima for something he wasn’t ready to give; Tsukishima knew that.

“Yeah, you’re pretty clumsy with your left hand, Kei.” Kuroo chuckled fondly.

The blonde stared at his own feet, clad in yet another pair of colorful dinosaur socks he’d received from his brother.

“Since when?” He eventually dared to ask. “Since when have you known?”

“I thought it was you the time we met at the library. But you had a different name on your wrist, and you didn’t seem interested at all, so I thought maybe I was wrong after all but… I- I don’t know. I felt a connection. Or maybe it was wishful thinking. And then-”

“Why would you ever wish for that? Shouldn’t this be more like a nightmare?”

“Kei don’t do that,” He replied softly. Nothing more than that, and yet it held such fondness. As though having Tsukishima as a soulmate was an undoubtedly lucky thing. And for a moment there, he was able to believe it too. 

His gaze fell onto Kuroo’s arm, the mark as visible as ever.

“Can I see?” Tsukishima asked and Kuroo offered his wrist without hesitation.

Sure, it was far from the first time, he’d seen the mark. He’d seen it time and time again, Kuroo unconsciously showing it off for him and everyone else to see. But now it was different.

It was different, because this time he _wanted_ to see, wanted to read his name neatly engraved to Kuroo’s tan skin, wanted to trace it with his fingers.

A warm sensation ran through his body when he touched it, and he knew Kuroo felt the same in the way he flinched.

“Isn’t it crazy how much power these marks hold?”

“Do they?” Kuroo’s voice almost sounded confused.

 _Of course, they do_ , Tsukishima wanted to say _. They make people fall in love with each other_. But he stopped himself, realizing in time what he was about to admit to Kuroo.

His soulmate seemed to understand what he meant without him putting the words out there though. A soft smile played at his lips and his hazel eyes met his own earnestly.

“I love you, Kei. Not because your name is written on my wrist. I love you and that’s why it’s there. Because I was going to fall in love with you.”

He gently brushed through Tsukishima’s blonde hair with his free hand. “Fate didn’t decide that for me, it just pointed it out.”

He swallowed, his chest feeling like it was about to burst. A part of him had assumed that Kuroo had feelings for him. They were soulmates after all, and there had also been that moment at Kuroo’s place when they’d almost kissed...

But hearing it out loud, hearing Kuroo admit to it, was a different thing altogether. He loved him. Kuroo loved _him_ , _Tsukishima Kei_ , after everything he’d put him through, after all this drama.

And though, he wasn’t ready to say it to the man in question, not yet, he could at least admit it to himself: He loved Kuroo back.

~

When Kuroo asked to hear about Yamaguchi, he did it without any pressure, ready to be declined, if Tsukishima wasn’t ready. It felt unbelievable how patient Kuroo was with him, always giving him the time and space, he needed. But he didn’t need more time or space. He felt it was okay to tell him now, finally, and so he did.

It was difficult to find a point to start, so he chose the words that came easiest.

“Yamaguchi was my best friend,” He said, and he already felt the way tears started to prick at his eyes. “He liked to play volleyball, a lot, and I think it broke his heart when he couldn’t play anymore.

“When we- when we went out to eat, he would always eat the fries that no one else wanted, the soggy, soft ones, but he liked them the best.” Tsukishima couldn’t help but chuckle at the memory. He wiped at the corners of his eyes.

“He was nice, really nice. Honestly, I don’t know why he liked to be with me, when I’m so-” Tsukishima pressed a hand over his mouth to suppress a sob. “Yamaguchi was brave, and kind and he liked me, even though I’m such a coward.”

Kuroo reached for his arm, and Tsukishima kept himself from flinching away. His soulmate gently traced the name on Tsukishima’s left wrist, and he felt like he was melting under his touch.

“I’m sure he was an amazing person,” He said with a soft smile.

“He was.” Tsukishima smiled. “He was the best person I’ve ever known.”

“I’m sorry he can’t be here with you now.”

“I love him,” Tsukishima said, because it held truth. Three years had come and gone, and he loved him just the same. Tsukishima won’t deny he loved Kuroo, too, that there was something in the way they looked at each other, something in the way he felt when their eyes met. But letting go of Yamaguchi, of their memories, of their feelings – that wasn’t a sacrifice Tsukishima was willing to make. “I still love him.”

“Yeah. I know.” The expression in Kuroo’s eyes was warm and sincere, without any trace of jealousy or judgement.

“I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving him.”

“I’m not asking you to. I’m not trying to take his place. But I do hope there’s enough space in your heart for the both of us.” His hand halted on Tsukishima’s wrist, the touch so light it was barely there, and yet it felt warm and tingling.

“We don’t have to date, Kei. We don’t have to be anything that you don’t want us to be. If you don’t want to date yet or ever, that’s fine too. Soulmates can be platonic too.”

“Maybe I don’t want it to be platonic,” He whispered, looking up into Kuroo’s amber eyes that widened in surprise.

“You don’t have to make any decisions now; you can take your time.”

“I know.” Tsukishima smiled, bringing his hand up to touch Kuroo’s cheek. “I didn’t make that decision just now. I took my time.”

Kuroo seemed to try and keep calm, but he didn’t manage to stop the way his face lit up with happiness. It made Tsukishima’s heart ache in all the right ways.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

He expected a kiss, maybe, but he got a bone crushing hug instead that pushed the air out of his lungs.

“I love you,” Kuroo said close to his ear before planting a zillion kisses on Tsukishima’s hair.

When his soulmate pulled back to finally let him breathe again, Tsukishima swore that there were tears glistening on his cheeks.

“I love you,” He repeated, cupping Tsukishima’s face. “I really do.”

The blonde felt himself smiling, his cheeks still wet from crying. Kuroo’s thumbs gently brushed the tears away, before he drew closer.

“Can I kiss you, Kei?”

“Just do it already, idiot,” He replied and Kuroo didn’t hesitate to close the distance between them.

His lips felt soft and warm and a bit like coming home.

~

“It’s this one,” Tsukishima said, gesturing at the marmoreal gravestone.

They laid down their offerings and switched the flowers in the vases before lighting incense sticks.

“Yamaguchi Tadashi,” Kuroo said, his palms pressed together and his voice sounding earnest.

“I heard a lot about you from Kei and I feel honored to be allowed to come here. I really, really love him and I promise to take good care of him for you, so I hope you can give us your blessings.”

The blonde felt himself flush at Kuroo’s words, resisting the urge to hide his face behind his palms.

His soulmate got up and locked eyes with him, a cheeky smile on his lips. He intertwined their fingers and pressed a soft kiss onto the back of Tsukishima’s left hand.

“I love you,” He whispered.

“You just said that,” Tsukishima countered, avoiding his gaze.

“Yeah, but I wanted to say it again.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated <3


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